Usually, this is the time of year I feel an immense pressure to get as much done as possible before school starts again. This year, I feel entirely different. Yes, I am registered to register for classes (seven days before school starts . . . cause I'm so responsible), but I for the first time in probably two years, I am at peace. It doesn't matter. It's no big deal. Maybe I'll love college, jump into it head first, betray all my morals and take out a ton of loans. Maybe I'll hate college, drop out after a semester and try trade school. Maybe I'll write a novel and make millions. Maybe I'll sprout wings and move to the moon. I have no idea what will happen and I am okay with that.
So far my life has always been planned for me. Parents and teachers have told me what to do, how to do it, and why to do it. Now I have no plans, no goals, no requirements, no deadlines, no dependents (besides Gamby), and the whole world is open in front of me. I can do anything. Well . . . once I make money. Which is where college comes in. Spending money to make money, don't ya just love the ironies of life?
But when it all comes down to it, I just have to decide what I want and go get it. I used to think it was a horrible, overwhelming feeling, but I am beginning to love it. Someday, I want to go places and do things and experience the world. I want to meet people and learn things. I want to take beautiful pictures and tell beautiful stories. And someday I will. One moment at a time.
This change in attitude has affected the way I view Gambler too. I used to be so stressed about him. I don't know how to train a horse. This is taking so long. There are so many hurdles. He keeps getting sick. I don't get out to the barn enough. I'm making too many mistakes. It's too dangerous. Now, I realize that this is an opportunity I may never get again. I will probably fail many times over, but that doesn't mean I need to give up. What do I really have to lose? I have always wanted to start my own horse and now I can and I will. It doesn't matter what anyone else says or thinks or how long it takes or how many times I have to completely start over. Because this is what I want to do and I am determined to succeed.
College is a blast! Make sure to take classes you're passionate about, even though they'll steer you right toward all the prereqs--which is fine, but you have to enjoy what you're doing, too! I loved college. I supplemented the cost through writing. I was, first, an English tutor and, later, I was the Editor of my college newspaper. You can also make $$ writing for the college newspaper--and they're always dying to find good writers. There's so much to see and do. I'm excited for you.
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