Fall Ramblings

Autumn is here again. My favorite season. I love to sit on the sofa, watching the trees shed their leaves of brown, red, gold, and reflect. 

This is my forth Autumn with these trees. They mean a lot to me. It started in June 2013 (the summer I earned Gambler though I didn't know it yet). There was a lot of uncertainty in my life. I was caught in a new beginning, which of course I didn't know at the time. Some days I would sit on the couch with a confused, nostalgic ache in my chest and find a strange comfort in the trees. I knew that no matter what happened in my life, the trees would still be there. The seasons would continue - a picture of God's consistency. 

I still watch the trees. This last summer, when anxiety put it's cold hands on my neck, I watched the trees. It gave me something solid to cling to. It is so easy to get caught up in work, school, drama, stress, money. Sometimes I need to just find a quiet place where I can let everything fade away. Then, while time is standing still and nothing can touch me, I find the things that matter. Gambler. Nature. Friends. My relationship with God. And everything else fades in comparison.

Where do I start?

When I voiced my concerns about graduation, I was told to stop being so dramatic. People advised me to enjoy the occasion, to look forward to good times ahead. They told me it wasn't that big of a deal. I remained convinced that after the ceremony, everything would change.

I was right. 

The people who told me to grow up and stop whining about it were right too. 

Everything did change after high school, but the things I thought I was losing forever are closer to me now than they were before.

Gambler and I didn't spend as much time together this past summer as we did the summer before. Work kept me too busy to visit the barn regularly. I also realized that I can't solve the bucking issue on my own. I have no horse to ride, so I am not fit enough to sit a buck. If Gambler bucks me off several times he could develop a habit and ta da! I've ruined a horse. For all those reasons, Gambler went off to two weeks of training a week and a half ago. According to the trainer (who I have only heard wonderful things about) Gambler is progressing well under saddle but has terrible ground manners and is dominant. 

Dominant I believe! But the ground manners...has me questioning. I am more than willing to admit that I am a biased party and could possibly have overlooked his behavior. But. Big but. But I can lead Gambler on a loose lead with the rope just about dragging on the ground. And I can pretty much control his feet down to the individual step. And he stands politely in his stall. And puts his own head in the halter. The only ground issues he has are fly spray, baths, and his feet . . . so I'm a little concerned. I guess we'll see what happens on Friday.

After high school ended I was worried that I would never enjoy myself again. I thought that work and college would consume my life, leaving no time for fun and experience. Boy was I wrong about that one! Yes, I am pressed for time; but I am learning to squeeze every drop of life out of twenty-four hours. I spent more time with friends and experienced more new things this past summer than I ever have before.

So far the school year isn't much different. 

I have more responsibilities, but also more freedom. Now I have a car and I manage my own schedule and I earn my own money. These things do constrict me, but they also offer so many opportunities that I never had before.

It is overwhelming. I am surrounded by so many new things and I'm trying to sort them all out. September's primary goal is "find balance." I hope I do soon. For now I have embraced the college kid "hot mess" stereotype. Losing my keys, losing my shoes, forgetting my card in my pocket, barely getting to work on time - it adds a certain spice to life. That said, I am planning on getting my life reorganized soon.